im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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