I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish you could order shots online.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
