My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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