Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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