P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
