week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
