She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
