My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
