i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
