like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
