I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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