I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
