the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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