You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
