he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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