i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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