I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
