We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
