Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
