Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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