drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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