Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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