My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
