you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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