I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
