My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
