Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
