So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
