She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
no you cant smoke seaweed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Enjoy the penises
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
