Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
