she woke up with a sticky ear
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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