hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
