Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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