this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
