im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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