in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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