i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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