I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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