sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
