cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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