If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
