That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
