i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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