My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
