rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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