So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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