just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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