He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
