Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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