Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
