Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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