I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
