So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
